Jenmac vs. Caribou Barbie von Mooseburger

As the election draws dangerously close I started thinking about how well I would match up against Sarah Palin...(and because, well, that's just the sort of thing I do for fun - makes lists of pros and cons, etc. I told you before, I have WAY too much time on my hands.)

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that this is just for fun. I have friends on both sides of the fence in this battle. I myself am a Libertarian. And since the Libertarian party has as good odds of winning this election as a blind man winning a skeet shooting contest, I'll be voting for Stephen Colbert.

And so begins my own debate, Jenmac vs. Sarah:

Politicians we've encountered:

Palin: Well, she recently met John McCain...

Jenmac: Both Clintons (Bill twice - once as Governor and then again during his first presidential candidacy, Hillary was the speaker at my graduation from Arkansas), grew up around Mike Huckabee and his family, went out with a Senator's son a few times, grew up with a current member of the Arkansas House of Representatives, Ross Perot was a buddy of my grandfather's, had ice cream with Senator Blanche Lincoln - who is a big fan of my son, worked on a PAC for US Congressman John Boozman, lived with a cousin of Homeland Security's Asa Hutchinson (and also interviewed him for an article about his candidacy for US Senate while doing time as a journalism student at Arkansas), decorated the house of an ex-Senator from Arizona (no, sorry to disappoint, it wasn't McCain)...

Advantage: Jenmac

A little bit about our respective states:

Alaska: Population - 626,932, Polar bears, the pipeline, snow-mobile driving rednecks, the Aurora Borealis...

Arkansas: Population - 2,673,400, North America's only Diamond mine, home of Walmart, 4-wheeler driving rednecks, the Ozark mountains...

Advantage: I've gotta call this a draw... wait...we have diamonds...okay....Arkansas wins.

Foreign Affairs:

Palin: She can see Russia from her house!!!

Jenmac: I haven't dealt with foreign politics. However, during my tenure with Wal-Mart International, I worked with colleagues/customers in Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Germany, China, Korea, and Canada. I also have firsthand knowledge of NAFTA and how it affects American businesses trying to export products to Canada and Mexico. (You're impressed, aren't you?)

Immigration:

Palin: I suspect Alaska doesn't have many immigration problems. In all fairness, I'm not sure as I haven't lived there. But I've never heard stories of Russian immigrants swimming the Bering Strait seeking asylum within our borders, or desperate Canadians hiking the frozen tundra into Alaska.

Jenmac: I live in an area greatly affected by illegal immigration (sometimes even referred to as "Little Mexico" by some of the locals). I've seen the effects. I have been taken out of consideration for jobs because I didn't speak fluent Spanish. I want to find ways to keep America open to those seeking her shelter, but also protect her current citizens as well.

Advantage: Jenmac (because, well, you've gotta admit, that last sentence would make a great soundbite.)

Women's rights:

Palin: Believed women who were victims of sexual assault should have to pay for their own rape kits.

Jenmac: Horrified I had to type the last sentence. (Yes, I know she has changed her mind since then, but still...)

Advantage: Jenmac. (And I'm not touching the abortion issue as I don't believe there is a winning side to that one. There will ALWAYS be fervent supporters on both sides. No one will ever win. We should drop it as a platform for elections.)

Where do you get your news:

Palin: she claims that she has researched a lot to stay in touch with American politics, but couldn't name any magazines, papers, etc. in her interview with Katie Couric despite Katie asking her repeatedly to name just one news outlet.

Jenmac: too much to list here - a lot of thanks goes out to my worster pals who post every article they can find, making it easy to locate meaningful pieces about everything political - from the UK, to Alaska, to Australia and back again (Newsweek, Time, Washington Post, even Rolling Stone offers stories regarding our world, CNN, MSNBC...)

Advantage: Jenmac (if for no other reason than the fact that at least I can name national publications.)

And now let's get down to business and deal with the truly pressing issues:

Beauty pageants:

Palin: 2

Jenmac: 0

Advantage: Jenmac (sorry Sarah, gotta go with brains over beauty)

Number of kids:

Palin: 5

Jenmac: 1

Advantage: draw - Jenmac would have more time to devote to running the country, but Sarah has already been leading a small army of her own.


Wardrobe:

Palin: red and black

Jenmac: open to every color of the rainbow (except navy blue - never been a fan, couldn't say why.)

Advantage: Jenmac. (Sarah, we know you love those Wasilla Warriors, but really...it's okay to wear colors other than those of your high school alma mater.)


Accent:

Palin: Sounds like Frances McDormand in "Fargo"

Jenmac: Sounds like Vivian Leigh in "Gone With the Wind"

Advantage: Jenmac.
And just to prove it: Let's look at every election since 1976. Either the President or Vice President on the winning ticket was a Southerner: GW Bush (twice), Bill Clinton (twice), George H.W. Bush (3 times, including 2 terms as VP), Jimmy Carter.

Wow, what do you know! I'm ready to take on the 2nd most powerful job in the world! Who would've guessed!

Now, I shall don my Tina Fey glasses and to quote the not-often-intentionally funny Paris Hilton, "I'll see you at the debates, bitches."

(And Sarah, if you're reading this: No hard feelings okay. Maybe we could get together for coffee sometime. Who knows, you may have some free time around November 5th.)

(Thanks to my fellow worster, she_is_so_random, for the Palin nickname.)

And now for today's shoe:
These are a great example of adding fun colors to your wardrobe!











Their story:
They're fierce. I bought them. The end.
(Sometimes the best story is the most simple.)

*stepping off my shoebox*
-Jenn